So I’m back from California. I had a wonderful time and I enjoyed some great food while I was there. As difficult as it was to stay on track I had some wonderful support.
As I said in a previous blog, before I left Ohio, my grandma asked me about what I’m eating so she could make sure there was plenty of food I could eat. I had large salads, endless fruit, and beautifully cooked meat. I had limited carbs and sweets.
On Friday, Grandma made an “Irish Breakfast.” This consisted of Irish Soda Bread, SEVERAL different sausages, roasted tomatoes, eggs, and Guinness. I had no interest in the sausages or eggs. I had a little soda bread and a big salad and a beer. I haven’t had beer in God knows how long and I probably won’t have another one for some time. I felt so awful after drinking it. I love Guinness, it’s one of my favorites, but after that, I felt bloated and gross. It tasted good and it was only 125 calories, but I don’t know if it was worth it.
Friday night we went to Marin Joe’s for dinner with my aunt and uncle. I haven’t seen my aunt since 2004 and I saw my uncle in December of last year. The very first thing they told me was I inspired them to get a Wii and be more active. I was not expecting this (I suppose the magnitude of this blog still hasn’t set in yet). I was happy to hear that I helped motivate someone to be more active. My aunt was telling me about the positive affects she’s noticed from the yoga she’s doing. I’m thrilled I was able to have this impact.
As I explained to my uncle, I’m doing this blog for myself. I know people are interested in my journey and what I’m doing, so that’s why I share it, but I’m doing it so I can look back in two or five years and see where I was and what I was thinking and the issues I was dealing with. Knowing the way I write and my memory, this blog will take me right back to this time in my life. I didn’t document the first 87 pounds and I don’t know if it was a struggle or what I was going through. I just blindly did it and I wish I was able to go back and reflect on how far I’ve come. All I have really, is a number on a scale. Something else I told him was I don’t know who reads this unless you tell me. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter because I do it for me, not to be popular, or have the most hits on Google, but it is always fun to hear what people have to say or just know who is following it.
Back to dinner on Friday… I didn’t drink any alcohol. I feel like I’d much rather eat my calories than drink them (at this point). I thought what better time to cheat than for dinner that night. I was really torn about what to get, but I knew I wanted pasta. Mmmmmm… pasta. So after much deliberation, I decided on the lasagna with a side salad. There was some delicious sourdough that I indulged in, too. I had half of my lasagna and my salad and I split a strange desert with Grandma. I also tried liver for the first, and last, time.
In preparation for a family party on Saturday, Grandma made me a large salad that we took with us. As you can imagine, family parties normally don’t have salads. She didn’t want me to feel like there was nothing for me to eat, so she made me something special. I didn’t actually eat it until we got home, but it was nice to know I had it there if I wanted it.
There was gorgeous fresh bread, yummy grilled sausages, a couple different salads, and a ton of dessert. Two family members told me about what they brought and what was in it and expressed to me that it should “be safe to eat.” One was baby crust-less veggie quiche and the other was a tomato cucumber salad with basil. Both were delicious. When these two family members made sure to tell me what was in their dishes, it made me feel… I can’t even describe it. I felt like these people care so much to tell me what is in their dishes, because they know what I’m doing and what I’m eating. I didn’t feel like they made me something special… not at all. It was just touching to know they made a point to tell me and for that, I am very grateful. I didn’t expect any special treatment and I didn’t expect anyone in the family to know, but it meant a lot to know they care. Grandma made spice cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I had half of one and a little sliver of some little cake with two raspberries on it. I normally don’t eat at these types of functions, so I did just fine.
Saturday night I had a big salad and the rest of my lasagna. I’m not sure why, but I felt guilty for eating my leftovers. I expressed this to Grandma and Mom and they told me I shouldn’t feel that way, especially since I had been doing so well. I am blessed to not feel guilt after eating but for some reason, I did. I felt like I already had my cheat day and I wasn’t allowed to have another. I thought, “why do I feel this way? Why am I letting the food control me like this? Why do I feel obsessed?” I don’t know. I don’t like it because I feel like it’s bad to let food control you in any way, good or bad. It’s all I seem to think about. I feel borderline judgmental if I eat something “bad.” UGH! It’s possessing me. I’m sure I’ll mellow out at some point (probably after the wedding), but for now it’s critical I stay on track.
Sunday we went to Alcatraz. It was pretty amazing. We didn’t have a lot of time so we only went to the cell house on the audio tour. They tell you on their website to wear comfortable shoes because there are some steep hills. They weren’t kidding! To get to the cell house you have to go up 4 hills. These hills were at least a 30 degree incline. I walked with my brother and my grandparents and mom took the tram. My brother is several inches taller than I am and was zipping ahead of me up the hill. I made it up the first one with no issues. Up the second one at a good clip. When I hit the third one I started to sweat and get out of breath. I was wearing a hat, jeans, 3/4 length shirt and hoodie. We got to the top of number three and I had to stop to put my hair up and take off my sweatshirt. I was able to catch my breath quickly as I took some pictures before we headed up the last hill. We were ahead of most of the people we started out in the group with. I felt great being able to get up the hill without feeling like I was going to die. The tour was 45 minutes and took you all over the cell house. We went up and down a few staircases. I was really proud of myself for being able to get up the stairs without getting winded. Back in the day, I would get winded walking up to my apartment. When we were done we walked back down the hill and waited for everyone else to catch up. There was SO much we didn’t see and I can’t wait to go back!
After Alcatraz, my bro had a flight to catch, so we were off to the airport. After the airport we met up with one of Mom’s cousins and two of her daughters in the city for lunch. We went to a place called Mel’s Drive-In and apparently it’s been around for decades. It was a cute little place with a counter and old vinyl booths. I was feeling unruly so I knew my blood sugar was really low. I normally don’t drink orange juice but I knew it would be the fastest way to get my sugars up to where I was sociable again. I ordered a small OJ and a grilled salmon salad. Everyone else ordered patty melts or BLTs. It’s kind of weird, I didn’t even think to order something like that. When my OJ showed up, it was the color of Hi-C or Sunny-D. I thought (in my grumpy state of mind), “seriously?! I wanted ORANGE JUICE… not FAUX OJ!” So I took a sip. It was like the sun exploded in my mouth. Now, let me explain something. In Ohio, our oranges tend to be a bit on the bland or tart side; The juice ends up on the yellow end of the color spectrum. Even the boxed juice tastes “off.” This was THE best orange juice I have ever, EVER had in my life. It was fresh squeezed. I sucked it down like my life depended on it. The color was just a great reflection on what it should taste like. I don’t think I will ever forget that. If all orange juice tasted like this, I would be a fan, but sadly, they don’t, so I’m not. My salad was incredible with sprouts, cucumbers, mango salsa, and a tasty house dressing.
Earlier I said I felt judgmental about food. I felt this way when I was at the diner. Not with my family, but they guy at the table across from us. He had a milkshake, Coke, burger and fries. I remembered a time in my life when I used to eat like that. I remembered being able to out eat my ex-boyfriend who was 6’5″ and 250 pounds. I could slam a double Whopper, large fry, and large shake from Burger King (boy, a Whopper sounds good)… Now I would be so sick if I got even half of that down.
Monday night Grandma made chicken, tomato salad, and corn on the cob. Grandpa has a huge garden with tons of tomatoes, an apple tree, a green bean bush or tree or whatever it was, and yes, even corn. We had the first pick of the season for the corn. I have never, ever had such “meaty” corn. Seriously, you took a bite off the cob and it was a mouth full. Not like the wimpy corn we have here. I loaded up on corn and tomatoes and had a chicken breast and thigh. I was starving. It was the most I had eaten all week at one time. I was stuffed by the end of dinner, but I knew I was eating good food so I felt okay with being so full. I knew I only had one meal left after dinner and before we left, so I loaded up.
Travel days are always difficult because you’re stuck in an airport all day where a banana costs $3.00 but you’ll pay for it because you want that banana. Before we left, I had a big salad and a tomato sandwich for breakfast. The tomatoes were juicy and ripe, with some mayo on fresh bread. OMG it was so good. Grandma packed one for Mom, but I wanted mine before I left. I purchased some chocolate before we left San Francisco. I didn’t care if I was cheating. I was going to be walking in airports and whatnot, so I didn’t feel bad. I knew when we got to Minneapolis I needed to eat something. The question was, what? We walked into a little mini mart that had some yogurt with granola cups that were a reasonable size and some decent looking sandwiches. I got one of each and it was more than $15. I could have eaten Combos and a Coke for half the price, but I knew I needed something halfway healthy to keep me going. It was worth the $15 I paid for it to not feel like I lost control. I’m not saying I didn’t want to eat junk, but I knew I had to make a better decision.
All in all, I gained less than half of a pound and I feel pretty damn good about that. I could have done a lot more damage but I CHOSE not to.
Blaire's Journey 