Yesterday Mom and I left for California. It was a long day to say the least but enjoyable. On the flight from Columbus to Atlanta, the flight was only half full. Our layover was only 45 minutes and we had to change terminals. Thank God ATL is organized and efficient! We made the connection without having to run or anything, always a plus. It’s nice also because you don’t have a lot of sitting around. You go and get right on your next flight. The flight from ATL to San Francisco was nice. A large plane. Mom was in the middle with two other seats to her left. No one was in the middle so she had some room. I was supposed to have someone sitting next to me (at the window) and I was on the aisle. Everyone was almost boarded and the person next to me still hadn’t shown up. They never did. Sweet. Two seats and a window for 4 hours. I felt like I hit the jackpot even though I was praying for a handsome business man who would chat me up.
I had my Kindle and my phone, and I was set. I am currently reading two books at the same time. Something I’ve never done but with the Kindle it’s so easy! The first book is called, As Always, Julia: The Letters of Julia Child and Avis DeVoto, by Joan Reardon. I love Julia Child and I thought it would be a fun read (which it is). It’s the letters from the very beginning of Julia’s friendship with Avis DeVoto in their original form. It’s so interesting to see the style of letter writing in the 1950’s. They started off by writing “Dear Mrs. DeVoto,” and signing, “Julia Child [Mrs. Paul Child].” Eventually it became more relaxed, but still fun, nonetheless.
The other book is called Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. This is my pre-read for Eat to Live and I think it will pay off in the long run. From what I understand, Eat to Live is much more technical and Skinny Bitch is right to the point. I’m about 1/3 of the way through this and some info is really interesting. Like, did you know when aspartame comes in contact with your stomach acid it creates formaldehyde? This book is full of scary crap like this. I love the way it’s written and how direct it is. They are really pro-vegan which is not as far as I want to go, but I can totally see why.
There is a chapter called “You Are What You Eat” and I think it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever read in my life. It’s a chapter about slaughterhouses and there are quotes taken from the book Slaughterhouse: The Shocking Story of Greed, Neglect and Inhumane Treatment Inside The U.S. Meat Industry by Gail A. Eisnitz. Totally gut wrenching and disgusting. It was some of the worst things I’ve ever had to think about in my life. I can’t unread it. I don’t want to and I’m glad I saw it so I’m more aware. I can’t be ignorant to things like that. I was reading that chapter on the plane and I can only imagine the look of horror on my face as I read it. I got to a point I actually had to stop (three different times) and do something else to just take a step back because it is SO intense. I still haven’t finished that chapter.
This book is really making me think a LOT more about what I actually put in my body. I’m sure Eat to Live will do the same thing, but this is the one I’m reading right now, so it’s the one that’s impacting me. After reading that yesterday, I remembered we were having LAMB CHOPS for dinner. CRAP. Even now thinking about it, it makes me feel really emotional knowing some of what happens in a slaughterhouse. I thought, were these poor little lambs on our dinner plates treated like that? Did they have to suffer an excruciating death? I don’t think I will not think that for a while when eating meat. It had a huge impact on me and I’m glad I know it.
They have talked about more than the slaughterhouse. They have talked about all the hormones in meat and dairy and how it affects your health. They talk about all of the chemicals in artificial sweetener. Aspartame… it scares the crap out of me. My brother works for a natural food store and they have classes or seminars or something that teaches them different things about food and healthy eating. He said all of those diet drinks are so bad because they form a coating in your stomach, not allowing you to absorb the proper nutrients from anything you eat. Yeah, that lining is formaldehyde. In case you don’t know, this is what is used in the mixture to EMBALM DEAD BODIES… to preserve them from decomposing. Holy crap. He also said skim milk is one of the worst things you can consume. Since all of the fat is removed, all that is left is the sugar and the water. So you’re drinking milk flavored sugar water basically.
I’m reading this book and I’m in the land of amazing food. My grandma is an INCREDIBLE cook and there is always great food here. Before I came out here, Grandma asked me to call her to discuss what I eat so she could make sure everything I needed was here so I didn’t totally derail my whole eating plan. Someone at work said, “Tell her you’re on vacation and it doesn’t matter.” I said, “Normally I wouldn’t care but now is not the time to fall off the wagon, weeks before a wedding I’m in and the dress still doesn’t zip. I have to be very careful.” I’m blessed to have a family that is so understanding and trying very hard to make this as simple as they can while I’m here. I told her to not worry about all of the other food. I have actually become very good about taking one bite, or a small portion.
Side story: my coworkers and I went to lunch recently and the server asked if we wanted a piece of birthday cake. Everyone said yes and I didn’t. I said I only wanted one bite. The cake came, about a two by two-inch square, one layer. I took a bite off one piece. That’s all I wanted, but when I looked back the cake was gone. I sarcastically said to my coworker, “Thanks for taking away the option for me to have a second bite.” We all laughed, and there were literally a couple bites left. I’m glad he inhaled the rest of it though, so I wouldn’t have to even think about it, even though I KNEW I didn’t want another bite. Sometimes it’s just easier to not have it there to consider.
Grandma has a kitchen stocked with fruit and veggies. She makes sure to tell me it’s okay to not eat a part of dinner (ex: rice). It’s at the forefront of her mind when preparing a meal, asking me if everything is okay for me to eat. Of course it is. I just eat less of it, and more veggies or fruit. It’s so difficult at times because I REALLY want to stuff my face; Her food is always SO, SO good, but I know I can’t. I’m blessed to have a family who lets me eat. What I mean is, no one says, “are you sure you should be eating that,” or make me feel guilty for eating anything. If I asked them to say something like that, they would, but they don’t. People think they’re trying to help by saying something like that and it just makes you feel bad, triggering the emotion, creating the urge to binge. Some people know they need reminders and ask for them, and other people, like me, know what you need to do and consciously make decisions every time you eat something.
Grandpa picked up pastries for breakfast. There is a family reunion Saturday. We’re going to dinner Friday. I’m not really concerned with this. Some people would be freaking out about, “oh my god, what if I can’t eat anything?” Not me. I know there will be something I can eat, even if I only eat salad, that’s better than nothing or eating something I shouldn’t. I’m not saying I’m going to be perfect, but it’s about having the control to say no. This morning I had a big salad (since I didn’t eat is last night, I was too into my lamb… poor little lamb…), at least a cup of grapes, a plum, and a peach. I had maybe 8 bites of a couple different pastries. I took two pieces and said, “I have to walk away,” and I did. I could have very easily stood there and continued to graze. I didn’t. I’m proud of myself for that. I know I didn’t eat a whole pastry, and I don’t want to make anyone feel like they shouldn’t or make anyone feel guilty for the choices they make. That’s your choice. It doesn’t affect me, I don’t judge. Eat what you want.
It helps to have a great support system with this way of eating. It makes it much easier when you have someone to do it with, and people who understand what you’re doing and why and encourage you. I know there is no way I could do this without that support and love from the ones close to me. I can only imaging how difficult it is to try to make this transition on your own, practically impossible. Everyone needs at least one person to turn to and know they will always be there, even if they fall off the wagon. I have several. I am very, very blessed.
(I have pictures I wanted to post, but they’re not uploading properly. I will try again later).
Blaire's Journey 